What if any new years resolutions do you have? Or what is your opinion on the idea of a new years resolution?

Although both of these particular blogs were different in their specific topic the message was for me the same. (For those of you who would like to see what I am talking about you will find a link to their blogs on my blogroll) It is easily summed up by Joshua’s quotation of “put your ideals into practice” This is a powerful challenging statement to a people who easily and often share the dreams and “ideals” to each other but how many of us actively pursue them. I would be so bold as to guess that most of us spend most of our time procrastinating about what it is we “want to do” or “want to be like” and are finally so worn out or even worse satisfied with our selves for just having the inclination to be a certain way that we then resort to acting exactly how we have been. It is not to say that most of us or at least the people I know are extreme in any of the ways that we are fighting against. Most of my friends are mindful souls. It seems harder to me to break from being in the state of “mindful” to full on action. I guess this could link back to my last email concerning moderation and extremes. It seems that if some of us were way out of line it would be easier to notice and make a change. But for those of us that lead a modest life still stuck in our “societies” clutches and by its standards we are not often jolted to look to what our true purpose is.

I know Aria and Mindy and totally respect them for who they are. I would love to know if they think that as a new wave of Christians we should all give up our possessions and follow the scripture as it stands. I guess I personally find that the teachings of Jesus can be evolving and that we should perhaps focus more on how we relate to what we have and be willing in out hearts to give it up. I guess the connection to your possessions seems to be my opinion of what the scriptures are warning us about. I have to say that occasionally I think it would be great to give up everything and move with a community of Christ followers and live respectfully with our surroundings. Is this really what Jesus would want? Is it not now a necessary element of the church to be part of this society in order to make a difference? I look at the Amish and respect them but I don’t see the impact they have on others as Jesus did on his society.

So is it then possible to be parts of society enough to influence it without letting society influence us? If we do give up our possessions or give ourselves completely to our ideals will we be able to cope in the society in which I believe we need to be in. I guess this will once again come around to “moderation” it is of course necessary to be mindful of all the things my friends have said and for most of us that means being far more proactive then we currently are. However I do think that we also do whether we like it or not have to do certain things to remain in this society. That means work, clean, chores, shop and all the other day to day tasks that we unfortunately find our time filled with. This is I am sure is the real problem most of us face or at least I think I do. It is making use of the time we have. It does not matter how limited that is but if we can sacrifice our time to focusing on helping others and not focusing on our possessions as Ariah and Mindy have said or to proactively doing something to fulfill the ideals that we all hold. We do all need to be more mindful of the “things” we buy and think we need. We also need to be far more respectful of the world we live in and the dangerous state of global warming is a glaring warning we all need to wake up and pay attention too. But even more importantly is we need to be more mindful of the other people in this world. There are horrendous things happening to other human beings not only in far off lands but right here under our noses. I am not talking about 9/11 or the threat of terrorism but day to day starvation, slavery, prostitution, war, rape, violence, disease. Why are we not fighting to stop this? I hear we are spending billions of dollars a day on the “war effort” as George Bush fights in the name of God but we cannot feed and give basic amenities to our brothers and sisters. We are supposed to love our neighbors as ourselves and this I do not see.

I hope we all read these blogs and they manage to ignite something in us to change. We are far to passive, let’s be the people to really make a difference.

I am sure that moderation is something a lot of people find hard to achieve. What I wonder though is to what ‘extremes’ do those people go? I guess as with any problem the self realization is the biggest step to solving it. I would like to think that since this has happened I have already shown positive signs of improvement. I do however still feel the threats of my old traits looming around the corner waiting to find a moment of weakness. Of course we all fall sometimes, what I have to learn is to gain experience in my falls and use that to increase wisdom to hurdle similar stumbling blocks in the future.

This is something I will have to work hard to change. It is something I look forward to fighting. I am always enthusiastic about battles and challenges that have a positive potential outcome. I guess this is the extremist in me. I guess I have to use that to its strengths too.

* On reading back I feel my comments seem to be a little harsh on sh4wn. But as with my last blog I don’t feel that backspacing is the answer here. Of course if you see that my friendship with my good friend and neighbor has dwindled perhaps we can trace it back here.

I can remember the time of my life when I decided that I would not bother myself with people who insist on playing schoolyard mind games. The type of hierarchical group mentality that used to plague my teenage years. Now this is not to say I came off badly from this system. In fact quite the contrary I found myself in quite a safe little niche. I do however think that as soon as I came out of that environment I felt a huge weight of relief from my shoulders. The sad fickle life I had lived for so long turned out to be a farce. Luckily for me I learned this pretty quickly and adapted well to the new environment I found myself in: the real world!

I am afraid to say that many of my school compardres were not so lucky and they are probably still stuck in that strange little world we created for ourselves in the confines of the schoolyard. The main problem I was able to realize looking back was just how false everybody was. There was much more to it than that sweeping commentary. But at the time I was inside it I would have said I had in the range of seventy five to one hundred friends. Within a few short months of leaving there were maybe four I had wanted to remain in contact with. The rest however stayed almost exactly the same as they had been and I fear this has harmed them greatly in their lives.

Now I am wary of entering into relationships that seem to have an eerie disposition to the schoolyard mentality. It comes in many dangerous guises in the supposedly adult world BUT it seems that this trait is indicative in all of our lives at some point and for some it is harder to shake off than others. It is also strange how people actually thrive on some of the childish goings on of there past and it somehow manifests its way into there daily lives. Unfortunately even for an avid combatant of this I find that it can sneak its way in under the radar.

Of course mind games and spiteful behavior is not a purely child like crime. Of course it is “child like” but it is well mastered and often performed by adults of all shapes and sizes. I guess as children it seems a little more blatant and unreserved but at the same time this gives some amount of control to onlookers. There is not as much effort to hide it and therefore it can be controlled easier. Now as adults we are supposed to snub these childish ways but instead it seems we just become more cunning and sly at manipulating in the same way but with a twist. I often find these ‘types’ of people like to portray themselves as the victim. This is a great stance to take to attack as people are taking a sympathetic stance by your outward demeanor and their guard is lowered. But I still see it. It is there deeper and darker and every now and again it brushes by me. Each time I run further and faster as to try and deal with it means only becoming part of the problem.

I am really stuck, as this running does not seem to my spiritual heart the way to deal with anything. I however am at an intellectual blockade as to how this can be done without lowering myself into the “game” So these concludes my thoughts for today. In fact it does not conclude, as it is still very open. This is something I am sure will consistently appear throughout my life and probably yours. In what shape it appears and how it is dealt with will be seen. I guess awareness is the first and biggest step the rest is the journey and the discipline. This is really a good description of my platform right now on many levels. It is an exciting platform with a varied and exciting road ahead.

Time to start walking.

To some I may be the “anti Sh4wn” of bloggers and of this I am not ashamed. I doubt I will ever find the time or motivation to evaluate and grade every aspect of our dismal existence. This is not a criticism of those who do but merely a healthy respect for different mindsets and personalities. For instance my friend Sh4wn may find refreshing pleasure from analyzing Hollywood female actresses and putting them in his very own batting order. Or he may well enjoy grading his best and worst alcoholic beverages. Of course there is the whimsical grading scales he likes to make up for each and again for his readers this can be amusing and informative. I would not like to make judgment of whether you should use his opinion as a guideline; of that you will have to decide.

For me it seems that too much analyzing and grading would perhaps nudge me into a systematic case of depression. The idea of focusing too closely on product, commercialism and all the other bunk we find our lives insulated by would perhaps be too much to bare. It is safer for someone of my disposition to stay at a safe distance from this sort of thought. So then where does my blog life take me? Well as you can see not very far. I dabbled in the game early on and frankly did not see much feedback. Of course I did not give it a fair shot, of that I am certain. And I also feel very strongly that this is not about feedback. In fact I feel I would be more satisfied to know that nobody was reading these trite ramblings and perhaps one day when I pass on, my grandchildren will find these hidden memoirs and realize that I was in fact, as crazy as they thought.

One does seem very exposed when laying out unabridged thought onto the page. I am hardly divulging skeletons from the closet. In fact I am barely dusting out cobwebs but still, one feels a little insecure about the whole idea of blogging. I guess this probably just sounds contrived or arrogant that anyone would even care enough to read this far and to take notice of my mental doodling that here seem to take the form of words. I guess that thought alone sums up the paranoia I speak of. Oh well I guess it is time to pee into the wind and be happy to take some spray.

Ugh what a horrid thought. I would like to go back and remove it but for some reason it seems more amusing to carry on and analyze the literary misdemeanor for what it is, or rather was. It reminds me a little of a disjointed conversation I had with Sarah at work. On discussing barbecue and my fascination with spit roasting a hog I suggested that she consider the idea for her wedding. Now for anyone who knows Sarah this is definitely not for her. In fact in truth it is not for me either but I must admit to having been rather excited (at one point) to have my wedding converge around some country theme and of course the rotating pig. In hindsight my wedding was far more appropriate and elegant. Never the less I divulge. Sarah and I started to discuss the origins of spit roasting. To her it invoked images if Hawaiian beaches and tropical style barbecues. For me this did not resonate. My mind was taken to medieval knights and good country folk of the British Isles celebrating with the village hog and roasting it over the fire. It is funny how different an idea can be in the head of different people. The relevance of this all is this: when I returned to my desk I decided to investigate a little further the actual history of the spit roast. Not to prove one or other wrong but merely to find out the conclusion. I had never linked spit roasting to Hawaii in anyway and was intrigued by it. However my first real google of the word turned up a wikipedia result. I find this to be a good source of reliable information and so immediately went to it.  The answer I was looking for was not here and quite frankly it was a tad more than I had bargained for.

This is the stage that I now begin regretting starting this whole thing as I now have to bring completion to this story. This is hard to do without bringing back up the distasteful result I found myself reading. It resonates of the time I used the peeing into the wind analogy and did not backspace but instead chose to press on and develop the reasoning behind not backspacing and frankly digging myself a much deeper hole.

As I stand neck deep in sodden mud I wonder if back tracking is the best option. But not being one for that sort of thing I will press on. The wikipedia result brought up the term “spit-roast” as a British slang term for a sexual act. For anyone who is now curious of the full description or cannot imagine its relevance I am sure you can find your way to the wikipedia. For the more faint of heart and definitely Leslie I hope you can just push it out of your mind.

I am now not sure where I am or how I got here. I think the panic of trying to shield certain ears from the previous topic has flustered me slightly. Time to regain my posture and continue; headstrong.

It seems my last blog was predominantly about the so-called vice of daydreaming. Right now this is not at the forefront of my mind and I wont bother to try and continue that thought. Perhaps having re-read it now will spark future evaluation and perhaps a continuation (in my blog format) So look to the not to distant future.

There is an air of discontent in my world right now. Not always my discontent but if not me then my close friends seem to be suffering from their own little gray cloud. This is not to sound too dramatic we are all healthy and have a home, job, and of course each other. I already feel whiny but damn it, sometimes a good moan is decent therapy. I also find that like most things nature seems to balance the levels of discontent between us. For example Sarah has had a particularly hard week and thus is usually found wearing an upside down smile. I in turn had been fairly up beat this week. Today however things had turned on me and as I complained to Karen about the frustrations of my own gray cloud Ms. Brown teeters over wearing a distantly familiar beaming grin. This was in its way helpful to my own mindset. I hope that this manages to work in return but somehow I don’t get the feeling it does. I do try though.

The whys of it all are never going to be answered and the old cliché of when it rains it pours is infallible. It never ceases to amaze me that runs of seemingly bad luck attack, like a gung ho president headed toward an oil rich Muslim country. I do find that despite it all I always see a glimmer of hope for positive outcomes and I am a firm believer that the best outcome will prevail. Unfortunately my stubborn attitude to what I think to be the best way for me normally has to be knocked out of me a little more firmly than some. I am still forever thankful that it is knocked out of me rather than letting me blunder into a much worse demise.

Lets hope that tomorrow a little sunlight breaks through. I don’t expect clear blue skies but something to break up the cloud and push through some light. It is Friday after all.

In hindsight it was an awfully foolish suggestion that I may somehow come up with a consistent style or way of blogging. This may be good for some but for me I have such dramatic fluctuations in me all the time that to not display that in my blog would be an injustice to you my worthy readers. This I know would be a crime against humanity and so I will for the good of the universe continue to push the boundaries of the blogging nation.

So thus begins our journey.

What sense can be made from the thoughts that pass through our minds in the phenomena we like to call daydreams? I never really thought of myself as one that suffers from this ‘vice’. Yet now I reevaluate the ailment I think perhaps I am a closet daydreamer. I am not the Hollywood stereotype; vacant youth that wakes in the classroom from the chuckles of his schoolmates as he openly leers out the window. No instead I believe that subconsciously I have been living out several alternate lives. In the mysterious void of imaginings that occur almost unwillingly in our minds and perhaps they are in some way to compensate for the drudgery of typing out credits all day long (or whatever torment you have to endure to pay your bills) Comes rays of light from journeying purely fantastical realms that in some way sooth us and act like natural valium.

It has occurred to me whilst thinking about my last statement that it may indicate a certain discontentedness (and in so perhaps causing me some upset with the wife) This then perhaps indicates a need to explain my thoughts on why I believe this to occur and not only that to explain how I think it to be a positive process (without digging myself an even deeper hole) I do have quite a knack for being able to pull my leg almost unnaturally high and sticking my foot deep into my mouth! I also thankfully often have a talent for getting it out and back onto the ground without causing too much harm.

Let’s try:

From a society that is so often lead and processed by commercialism and marketing it is no real surprise that we all have a tendency to dream about being rich, famous and perhaps sometimes even happy. Now I don’t for one moment believe that for most of us this is anything more than a momentary glitch in our predominantly normal functioning brains. But of course the bad hair days and the I “need” new shoes day often cause us to wish we had perfect little lives like the stars we see each day plastered across every media machine imaginable. So all of us at some time dream of alternate lifestyles though for most we are pretty much happy where we are. The idea of really being stalked by paparazzi who when we have a bad hair day make it a little harder to deal with by spreading it across every paper in the land is perhaps not so appealing. This friends is then proof positive that it is indeed natural to play out different lives in our mind and also proof that it does not mean we are unhappy living ours.

(This is my disclaimer explanation)

Perhaps more interestingly some of us who suffer from what I like to call “think too much syndrome”. Can in someway live out entire friendships, career moves, lifestyles, vacations and every possible variation of life imaginable during the waking hours of the day. It is not unlike someone of this disposition to become so outraged at a person for their actions in one of their fantasy lives that they continue those emotions into reality. For those of you who have been on the wrong end of one of these instances I apologies on behalf of the T.T.M.S. foundation. Or if any of you are now having an epiphany as to a possible explanation of why your seemingly crazy friend (and I am not saying they are not) has been ignoring you for the past few days, you may have upset them in a daydream!

I mean to continue this and to touch on some of my imaginary lives later but for now I will let this profound insight into this vast universe slip over you like a warm blanket. Let it sooth you but excite you at the same time and now I have taken it away leave you yearning for more.

I guess the pressure of my first blog is do i have to set a standard and style for my future readers to go by? Or do i let the creativity flow in whatever shape it takes and hope my fan base will roll with the punches and just enjoy the anxious wait as to what will come next?

I think this needs to be thought through more thorougly before i potentially cause myself and others serious harm.

For Now dear friends i leave you in the knowledge that i will return and when i do it will be bigger and better. The best is yet to come and it will come! In what guise i cannot say so have your wits about you good people and beware; beware of imposters or meandering bloggers that will taint your mind with tedious toil and trouble. Do not let them burst our bubble; life is good in here and as we journey into the fairytale land i will create for you be ready to experience written ecstasy!The result: Pure unadulterated euphoria! Take this and watch your eyes dialate and your senses become hightened; let the ride begin